Just like physicists seek simplicity and beauty in their theories and equations, I've been driven throughout my life to weave the language of the gospel into a clear, coherent, and motivating picture. Some of the questions that I reflect on in this pursuit are: What is the ultimate goal? What is God saving me from? What exactly are sin and repentance? What is required of me? What is an Ordinance or a Covenant? Is God actively involved in my life and does He love me?
I've made several satisfying attempts at bringing all this together into a simple narrative or diagram, but it's never settled. Recently, God spoke to me with this phrase as I was pondering it all,
"Relax into Jesus. He'll make you better, but you'll always be enough."
I love that! It resonates with me because I find it to be elegant and a true reflection of my personal experience with God.
The phrase "Relax into Jesus" speaks of concepts like faith, surrender and the covenant. Most importantly, it reminds me that Jesus is tangible, secure, and trustworthy. I don't always feel his presence, so at times, letting go and surrendering to him feels like a trust fall. However, I've come to realize that this is part of the process. The distance of the fall may be a reflection of how long it's been since I last surrendered to him, but he always catches me, no matter how far the fall. The word "Relax" feels appropriate, as Jesus has promised that his yoke is easy and his burden light. This is evident in the peace I experience in his arms and in working with and for him.
The phrase "He'll make you better" speaks to work and progress and salvation. God's transformative power is a central aspect of the gospel and when I allow God to work in me and I work with him, I experience a profound change from the inside out. God makes me better by molding me into the image of Jesus and as this happens, I increasingly love and trust myself. This is the hard part though. C.S. Lewis compared it to a house being remodeled. It's not surprising when the drains are set right and the leaks in the roof are stopped. But at times the house gets knocked about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. God is building quite a different house from the one I envision. It's tough sometimes - really tough. But the more I relax into it, the better it goes.
Finally, the phrase "You'll always be enough" is a reminder of God's unconditional love. This has been a challenging, but crucial realization for me, as I have often struggled with the fear that God might be disappointed in me. But I've put that to bed. You see, I've done some bad things. I've hurt people and taken advantage of others in some of their worst moments. I've been angry at God and have raised my voice and fists to him with hot tears of frustration on my cheeks. I've certainly imagined that He was upset at me. But I've never felt it. Never. Ever. His love for me is beyond explanation, surprising, and deep, always baffling in its depth, yet unwaveringly unconditional.
When I relax into Jesus, I am still growing, still struggling, still improving, but I am also filled with peace and joy because I know that I am enough.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.
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